First Paper (Happiness Paper)
My happiness paper was a reflection on what I believe brings happiness to life. Everyone had differing opinions, personally I believe that good relationships and exercise allow a life of fulfillment. I spoke personally about my family and my friends, to connect with the authors and their beliefs/research on happiness. In the long run, I believe that those two aspect of happiness are what is going to live my life to the fullest.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that we had to separate papers for drafts.
Here is my final draft listed below:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PBGhlVTaYIfoqElFfcMb8T5Ona383dusydH40c-pqdg/edit?usp=sharing
Second Paper (Technology Paper)
Here is the link to my first draft of our technology essay along with the revision statement below:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GOlvy0LfPCGK7Qh9DpIj6VPPkmuHpLq_7FkszuFL5TA/edit?usp=sharing
My revision plan for my essay includes help from my peers and attending to their comments on the first draft of my essay. I will follow some of the suggestions that they had to make my technology essay stronger. First, I am going to add some information from the Happiness Section of our class so I will prove my point on how happiness comes from relationships and it is shown without them that life is not as fulfilled. Then, I will make sure that I introduce the authors in a different way. The way that I did it first was awkward and did not flow, so I need to fix those. Also, through my body paragraphs I will add a few quotes that go along with what I am trying to say, that way it will flow better. The overall big picture of my essay is to ensure that I explain more than I summarize because I often end up doing that. For this I will find more ways to strengthen my argument by going in deeper into the text and citing more examples on how my argument relates to the text. I got a few comments with helpful tips on how I can add more information into my essay that relates to the texts. For example, Kyle gives me a good suggestion to ask myself how the aspect of relationships that I touch on goes hand in hand with the statement that I cited from Matthew Ritchell, author of “Growing Up Digital, Wired for Distraction”. Therefore, I got many helpful suggestions that will hopefully allow my essay to be strong and well-written.
Here is the link to my second draft of our technology essay:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15KQau0zapJANX7ASlEajQUR43LzfKmEbNZvy2WUp01Q/edit?usp=sharing
Here is the link to my third draft of our technology essay:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cln-z4fzzmsFlF4m-VIXVX8OskH-16VBmLc3HqjNl5o/edit?usp=sharing
Third Paper (Globalization)
Revision Plan:
- Take Note of Comments
- Find more information to support my argument
- Find strong quotes
My revision plan to strengthen my essay on globalization includes taking notes and putting thought into what my classmates suggested I do on my essay, find more information to support my argument and find strong quotes that support my argument as well. My classmates fixed up some of my grammatical errors and punctuation errors first, which I learned I need to be more aware of in this essay. They complimented my use of the term “globalization” but mentioned that there are a few spots within my paper where I can add in more details about it throughout. Another helpful comment that I got was to tie more things into my thesis. I have a lot of strong concepts throughout my paper, I just need to connect them to my argument. Next, after reading over my paper I realized that I need more information to back up what I am saying. Along with this I need to add more quotes to seal the deal on the argument that I am trying to make.
