I believe that my best example of peer review for this essay comes from Abby’s paper. I read her first draft of her essay and it is already off to a very good start. I was able to add a few ideas to hopefully help add strength and depth to her page. There was a lot of good detail but I felt as if she would easily be able to expand on these details and add more depth to the paper out of it. She talked about some things that Jean Twenge had said about relationships in his article “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” When reading her paper I remembered something from his article that I read where he says Athena talks about her friends family. They all live in the same house, but they are not close in the slightest due to the use of technology. I thought that that would be a very strong pivot point in her essay. Along with myself, another peer-reviewer on her essay commented on my comment and agreed with me. Abby also adds Alexandra Samuel’s article “Plug in Better: A Manifesto”. Here I suggested that she could add in some of the solutions that Samuel included in her article. These solutions consisted of “unplugging” from things, such as distraction or the fear of missing out (FOMO). Lastly, Abby mentions Catherine Sanderson in her introductory paragraph, but throughout the essay she is not mentioned. So, I commented that she should consider talking about Sanderson more throughout the text. She has many points where she could include Sanderson and details that she mentions in her lecture “The Science of Happiness”. Therefore, I believe that with these suggestions and others that my classmate has gotten, her paper will be extremely strong and get a good grade.
Abby’s Link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HSvWxS2QEYDEBP34MG6l4hVYVs1hfytSp0-gmuhBwLY/edit?usp=sharing
